Joe Unfriends Everybody … Except Rancich … Facking and Facebook … Acid Queen Goes to Hell, Comes Back … WEEK IN REVIEW

I have evidence that most members of Team Perfect did not watch the webcast of Michael Thornton at the Pritzker Military Library last night, so I unfriended everybody. That’s right. To all my ex-friends, I just want to say, after careful consideration I have decided to re-friend all of you on Facebook, where Perfect Fitness has a new site that is HOT HOT HOT.

Unfriend is a verb, by the way. Bill O’Reilly called it a noun. Negative. Verb. Trust me.

You’d have to be a fool to unfriend Tom Rancich. Dude works finding unexploded ordnance, saves the east coast, writes like Hemingway. Wow. Go to Charlie Mike right now, read his essay again, and then drop and push out 20 for Thornton and Norris, who were recently named Brothers of the Year by a distinguished committee. What does that have to do with Rancich? They were SEALs, silly. They all know each other. You didn’t know that? And we let you on the Team?

That webcast was awesome, and during the Q & A afterwards they took a question from a humble blogger who is so humble he can’t even tell you who he is, but his initials are Joe Gunter from Thomasville, Georgia. We almost freaked when the moderator said this. True story.

It was serendipitous that we got on Facebook because, in our opinion, a few years ago when it was invented they didn’t have the bugs worked out and it was a major pain in the arse to upload anything. Now the interface is as smooth as a baby’s nape. In fact, we’re thinking about facking on it; in other words, figuring out how to post points accumulated during the week. Speaking of weeks, did I have a good one. It’s 0700 hours and I get to kick back and relax today and tomorrow because I had The Week of Glory: 3 long run days and 3 Super Fine upper-body workouts with the Perfect Products. Best week ever for me. Honest to God. The Best Week Ever.

You want to know the secret? Here it is. You tell the Lactic Acid Queen – and you have to use these exact words – “You go to H*ll, Lady! You’ve been telling me year after year that when I feel that burn in my muscles that is a bad thing and I should QUIT immediately. You are a liar. Now I know why you hate me, but guess what? The feelings are mutual, B*tch!”

That’s what you say. What is so cool is that then, in an odd way – one of those love/hate things – you become friends! You realize that she won’t harm you. She will help you. She will help open “the gates of excellence,” as Hesiod said, by helping you build muscle, which in turn helps you burn blubber. Here is the equation:

Anaerobic-aerobic-anaerobic (repeat) = Total Fitness.

So you and the Lactic Acid Queen become friends and live happily ever after!

Y’all have a great weekend.